Rememberance - Minny Lou "Grammy"

I was going on fourteen years old when I finally got to meet my Grammy, Minny Lou. Our mother, Tammy, had left our father, Tony, earlier that week and we had come down after she had received news that Grammy was ill. We really didn't have any other place to go, Mom was out of work and struggling as it was, and Dad really wasn't interested in affairs outside of his own job at the time. Well, we pulled up in our old station wagon, damned thing was lucky to survive the drive from Mass all the way to Arkansas, it was steaming even when it hit the driveway. I do chuckle a bit looking back on that, it was funny really.

And lo' behold, the sight for almost every childs eyes. A woman stood at the doorway in a light blue housedress, and I swear to all thats holy and whatever powers above that be. I could have sworn she looked like a damned elf! She was short enough to be one, but alas, she wasn't. She was our Grandmother, Minny Lou. In all her four foot ten glory, she couldn't have weighted more than a hundred and ten pounds, but that woman could hit like a train with her sharp tongue, sharper wit and my god sharpest temper on earth. She had the coolest hair ever, curly red locks, though we girls found out later she was losing her real hair from chemotherapy but we didn't mind. She had a spirit that GLOWED! Bright as a neon sign!

Oh but she loved her sunflowers seeds. She had just quit smoking I think, my memory is kinda vague on this, but I do remember seeing cigarette butts in ashtrays around the house. Even before Row and Susan came to stay with Grammy. I remember begging to get a handful and always sneaking a little more just cause I loved the salty treats too! Got caught once, BOY did she paddle me for it. Never did it again after that. Always asked first. Mom loved being around her, she was always busy, buzzing about the house like a bee in a hive. It was funny actually, because Mom was never really that fast of a mover, she was kinda big in size and her moving about sometimes caused a bit of an issue. Especially in smaller doorways. Not big big, like wide hipped, folks. Don't get me wrong. She was a beautiful woman.

The gravity of the situation actually hit us girls pretty hard, we didn't realize how grave it really was until we noticed that Grammy was staying in her room more and more often, and rarely getting up for longer than a few minutes at a time. I remember her going to the hospital a few times for blood treatments? I can't say for sure, my memory is not the best, but with her illness she was losing alot of the immune systems defense and she was taking all kinds of medicines to protect herself. I recall watching her take some of her medicines and watching in awe as she took up to fifteen pills in one sitting, different colors sizes and shapes. I couldn't place myself in her shoes for a moment, the pain she must have been going through...unimaginable. The morning she passed on, I woke to the sound of a shout, and crying coming from her room. I had thought at first that she had woken up and everything was going to be dandy, but when I came down the stairs and saw Mom walk past with her face covered by her hands sobbing, I felt my heart pound and break at the same time. It was over, the pain, her suffering was over, but a big void opened up and swallowed all the important things around us up in one gulp.

I recall going to school the next day, I couldn't focus, I broke down in tears in first period and asked if I could be excused for the day. I remember walking home in a daze, not even really caring where my feet landed, or if I made it home at all, just seeking that gray solace of sleep and the empty dreams that awaited me there. I didn't get to sleep, Mom was buzzing about the house again, demanding why I was home from school, and asking me to go up to my room to clean it since I decided to come home early. I lied about cleaning my room, shoved things about, stuff clothes under my bed, hid all the trash from old homework that never saw the light of day or a teachers hand for that matter into my toy chest, and curled up in my bed and cried myself to sleep.
I never felt so empty..